Bolaris Vision: Why won’t my boyfriend move in with me?

john bolaris Metro columnist John Bolaris

My partner and I have been dating long distance for two and a half years. I’m graduating at the end of the year and I want to move in with him. He says he’s not ready to move in together. Should I give him more time, or should I move on?
—Kayla, 29

It’s interesting that you said my partner and I have been dating for two and a half years years. Let’s break this down.

Partner, by definition, is a person who takes part in an understanding with another or others, especially in a business or company with shared risks and profits.

Dating, by definition, is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.

Just by your opening sentence, you never said you were in a relationship or “my boyfriend.” So with this in mind I will assume you both are “allowed” to see other people.

Through my years of dating, I find this usually turns out to be a relationship train wreck as what a women thinks of a date, and if she is truly into someone, a kiss goodnight, “thanks for chow” and “let me call my man.”

The man, on the other hand, has this emotional detachment. He thinks, “I’m allowed to date, so I’m not doing anything wrong here” even if his bedroom turns into the chariots of fire.

You’re graduating in a few months, it’s been two and a half years, it’s long distance and your partner said he’s not ready. You’re young, educated and have a bright future ahead. DO NOT guilt your man/partner into doing something he is not ready for.

Thank him for his honesty and you never know, he might have done you a big favor. Two and a half years seems long enough time.

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