1. Green Bay Packers (7-0): Survived an unexpected scare from upstart Vikings. Now, get a week to rest up for a cross-country trip to San Diego. With Aaron Rodgers on pace for 48 touchdowns, we got the Pack going 16-0. Zip it up and zip it out.
2. New England Patriots (5-1): Tight end Rob Gronkowski’s bye week was good enough to keep the Pats in the top 2. Tom Brady and Co. come off a five-day hiatus riding a three-game winning streak.
3. San Francisco 49ers (5-1): While the Niners were relaxing by the bay — and coach Jim Harbaugh was practicing his handshakes, no doubt — the two teams ahead of them suffered uncharacteristic losses.
4. New Orleans Saints (5-2): Give Drew Brees the “beefy mac.” You won’t like him without it. Right opponent [Colts] at the right time? Sure. But the high-powered Saints are back in control of tough AFC South.
5. San Diego Chargers (4-2): Had a real shot to silence critics with big win [over Jets], but couldn’t get it done. Then, they complained [read: whined] about the refs.
6. Baltimore Ravens (4-2): Is there something bad brewing in the Charm City? Terrell Suggs called out the offensive play-calling after inexcusable loss to the Jags.
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2): The team once thought to be “too old, slow” finds itself in first place. A win over the Patriots this week would do wonders. Never count the Steelers out.
8. Houston Texans (4-3): Was that the Hogs leading the way for Arian Foster and Ben Tate? Texans needed a signature win and got one, stampeding the Titans 41-7.
9. New York Giants (4-2): Stay put at No. 9 and getting better, with Justin Tuck and Brandon Jacobs back on the field this week vs. Miami.
10. Buffalo Bills (4-2): Get brownie points for trying to work out an extension for QB Ryan Fitzpatrick on their bye. A deal could be done before Sunday.
11. New York Jets (4-3): It’s Darrelle Revis’ world, we’re just living in it. That’s three picks in his last two games — and a two-game winning streak for the J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS.
12. Detroit Lions (5-2): We have no problem with Ndamukong Suh talking trash, but the Lions need to wake up before the ghost of Wayne Fontes returns.
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-3): Not giving up on Baby Bucs just yet, but they need to find some consistency. Plus, how can you not sack Jay Cutler more than two times?
14. Atlanta Falcons (4-3): That’s two straight wins for the Falcons. More importantly, their defense looked to finally be clicking, with three sacks vs. Lions.
15. Dallas Cowboys (3-3): Tony Dorsett … err, DeMarco Murray (253 yards). If the rookie RB keeps this up, it won’t really matter what Tony Romo does.
16. Chicago Bears (4-3): Matt Forte (1,091 total yards) is taking over the Marshall Faulk role in Mike Martz’s offense. Yes, that’s a good thing. A very good thing.
17. Tennessee Titans (3-3): That’s back-to-back losses to two potential playoff teams. Has it been all smoke and mirrors? Or can Titans beat a legit opponent?
18. Oakland Raiders (4-3): Carson Palmer will have a whole two weeks to prepare as the starter. If he throws three picks again, then the Raiders wasted two high draft picks.
19. Philadelphia Eagles (2-4): Coach Andy Reid is a perfect 12-0 after the bye. Birds also get Jason Peters, Trent Cole back this week.
20. Cincinnati Bengals (4-2): We’re about to see how deep the Bengals are, as they look for fourth straight win — without their leading rusher, Cedric Benson.
21. Carolina Panthers (2-5): Two words: Cam Newton. Still questioning the kid’s abilities. Check out the 25-yard scramble where he made seven Redskins miss.
22. Washington Redskins (3-3): Man the life rafts. This team is a sinking ship. Even the once-heralded defense is struggling.
23. Denver Broncos (2-4): Is it too early to erect that Tim Tebow statue at Mile High?
24. Kansas City Chiefs (3-3): It’s hard to lose when your defense causes six turnovers.
25. Cleveland Browns (3-3): This is an ugly football team.
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-4): This is an uglier football team.
27. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5): Hope they enjoyed their 15 minutes. It’s back to reality this week at Houston.
28. Minnesota Vikings (1-6): We don’t usually count moral victories, but potentially finding your franchise QB, Christian Ponder, has to count for something. Right, Donovan?
29. Arizona Cardinals (1-5): They are who we thought they were.
30. St. Louis Rams (0-6): Who …
31. Indianapolis Colts (0-7): Wins …
32. Miami Dolphins (0-7): First?