Halloween Weekend is finally here. It’s that time of year where children disguise themselves and knock on the doors of strangers (insert Sandusky joke here) — or, if you’re an adult, it’s when women of all ages decide it’s the one night they are allowed to dress like prostitutes without feeling guilty about it. Trick or treat! (We fully endorse the latter, by the way.)
Anyway, with that in mind, let’s take a look at some sports-related costumes for guys and gals this Halloween Weekend …
» The Bad Sports Show: OK, this requires two people — a white man and a black man — and a megaphone. Basically, all you need to do is wear an expensive (cheap?) suit and yell at each other all night. It’s a take on ESPN’s terrible debate show, “First Take.”
» The Serena: This one works for girls and boys — provided you have a muscular physique. It requires a skimpy tennis outfit, perhaps even a thong, and a tennis racket. Extra points if you can do the crip walk.
» The bad quarterback: We’ve seen a cornucopia (it’s October, see what we did there?) of websites outlying the perfect Tim Tebow costume. We’re going the other direction and suggesting you dress like Mark Sanchez. Just wear a No. 6 Jets jersey and apply lots of eye black — and make sure, this is very important, that you have no clue how to find an open receiver.
» The Lolo: This one is strictly for the ladies. All you need to do is dress like an Olympic hurdler – or U.S. bobsledder (hopefully you get where we’re going here) — and carry around your press clippings all night. Extra points if you’re a virgin.
» The A-Rod: This might be the easiest one of all. First, put on a New York Yankees uniform. Second, go to Home Depot and buy a 2×4, then strap the wooden beam to your hindquarters. Now you’re ready to watch the World Series!
Thanks for playing along in this edition of Playing the Field … for more helpful hints and costume ideas follow me on twitter at mike_greger. Happy Halloween everyone!