For years, we have pursued it like Indiana Jones’ quest for the Holy Grail. We’ve pondered it on subway rides to ballgames, or while stuck in traffic, or — for the nerdier sports fans out there — in chat rooms and on message boards.
It is the ultimate question: Which MLB player has the hottest wife?
Well, ponder no more. The good folks at PornHub have done the dirty work (yes, pun totally intended) for you. And the results might shock you.
In case you aren’t familiar with PornHub, they call themselves a “free, ad-supported pornographic website which allows users to watch professional and amateur porn.”
According to a fan survey they conducted, Chase Utley’s wife, Jen, is the most desirable significant other in baseball. Jen captured 14-percent of the vote and beat out Johnny Damon’s wife, Michelle, by just 1-percent. Third place was a dead heat between Diana Roberts (Brian Roberts) and Heidi Hamels (Cole Hamels).
We know what you’re thinking: How accurate is this so-called survey? Well, our contact at PornHub assures us it is legit. The site generates more than 27 million unique visitors a month, according to a representative. The final tallies were based on the answer to a poll question on their blog.
Our take … we’ve always thought Jen Utley was cute, in the girl next door kind of way, but not necessarily hot. Besides, that whole PETA thing really scares us. Sticking with the Phillies, we might give it to newcomer Laynce Nix, who married a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Either way, with Chase’s legs resembling those of Peter Griffin’s neighbor, we sure hope Jen knows how to push a wheelchair.
Of course, the WAG emeritus is Anna Benson. She reportedly led to her husband being traded and even threated to sleep with a bat boy. To borrow a Kanye line: They just don’t make ‘em like that anymore.
Ozzie gets cable deal
Ozzie Guillen, aka the president of the dictator’s fan club, is hitting the big screen. Kind of. The Miami Marlins are being featured on baseball’s version of “Hard Knocks.” The show — called “The Franchise” — will debut a special preview this Saturday at 9 p.m. on Showtime.
The trailer for the series clearly paints Guillen as the star of the show. In one scene, he admits he can’t love everyone (Fidel Castro?) but he can’t hate everyone (Fidel Castro?). Insightful. It was filmed during his most recent controversy and shows him sitting in the GM’s office, where he is told: “I don’t know how to say this, but we have to suspend you.”
Obviously, we can’t wait for the debut. And we propose the following drinking game to enhance your viewing pleasure … For every time Ozzie curses, you must gulp your beer. For every time Hanley Ramirez’s batting average dips below .250, you must gulp twice. For every time Jose Reyes showboats, chug it. And every time Ozzie shows man love for Fidel Castro, shotgun.
Is RG3 a bad seed?
News broke today that the Colts will be selecting Andrew Luck with the top overall pick in the NFL Draft. No surprises there.
But an article also surfaced calling logical No. 2 pick Robert Griffin III has a “selfish streak” and doesn’t treat anybody good.” RGIII has been linked to the Redskins for some time, but speculation that Indy would take him had been picking up steam in recent weeks.
The way Sports Illustrated gushed over RGIII, you’d think he was a saint. Not the New Orleans kind. And maybe he is … after all, is being selfish really a flaw for an athlete? Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant are considered two of the most selfish players to ever play pro sports — and they also two of the greatest with enough rings to fill the Taj Mahal. LeBron James, on the other hand, doesn’t have a selfish bone in his body and he’s stuck on zero championships.
So draft away Dan Snyder … just watch how you depict him on the media guide.