It’s Valentine’s Day, a day created by Hallmark to make couples spend loads and loads of money on candy, flowers and gourmet dinners. Or the day when singles and cheaters clean up on the internet and in the bars.
Whatever side of the romantic fence you’re standing behind this year, one thing is certain: the made-up holiday is on everybody’s mind. Radio stations are cranking out all the classic love songs, while kids and grown-ups alike are handing out cards to classmates and co-workers. On Thursday, ESPN did a ridiculously stupid sketch where Damien Woody, starring as the Love Doctor, gave NFL fans advice on their favorite teams and players.
Point is, it’s infectious and we here at PFT aren’t above any of it. So away we go as we name the athletes and celebrities we would like to see hook up.
» Dwight Howard and Taylor Swift: We don’t get the whole fascination with Swift — a nice-looking girl with a decent voice — and her whiny, boyfriend-dissing ballads (not to mention her penchant for firing lovers … but she sure sounds like she would be perfect arm candy for Howard, who has made a living off whining, dissing teammates and getting coaches fired. Plus, Swift (5-foot-11) is one of the few girls that might not look completely ridiculous standing next to Howard (6-foot-11).
» Chad Johnson and Rihanna: The receiver formerly known as Ocho Cinco has been bored out of his mind since beating his wife and being kicked out of Dolphins camp. He is constantly on Twitter posting pictures (in Spain, at NBA games, at a Marilyn Manson concert), but Chad is usually alone — and he is dying for attention. Enter Rihanna, a longtime favorite in this space who needs to ditch Chris Brown. Rihanna, like Chad, is addicted to Twitter — and she likes to get wild and crazy, and doesn’t mind being put in her place every once in while.
» Andrew Luck and Jennifer Lawrence: Wow, what a pairing this would be, right? Luck is arguably the best young quarterback in football and Lawrence is the best young actress in Hollywood. Luck’s Colts have 40-1 odds to win the Super Bowl, while Lawrence is one of the front-runners to win the Oscar for Best Actress. Not to mention, they are both extremely young and attractive — with the possibility of spawning a long line of rifle-armed, post-apocalyptic killing machines.
» Jim Boeheim and Andy Katz: Because being an idiot and a disloyal person is no way to go through life. We need to get these two crazy kids back together immediately. College basketball needs them, just like Arm needs Hammer … like Oscar Pistorius needs
legs a good attorney. What? Too soon?