The Chip Kelly press conference highlight reel

If there is one thing Chip Kelly doesn’t tolerate, it’s stupid reporters.

All season long, Eagles beat writers and want-to-be’s have had to up their game to keep up with the dry, sarcastic and take-no-crap Chip Kelly. Often times, Kelly either vents his frustration on those asking him questions, or more often than that he unleashes his sly humor in front of a national TV audience. This certainly leads to some entertaining exchanges.

Here is a look at the transcriptsof some of Kelly’s best press conference moments from the season that was in 2014.

Following Week 2’s win over the Colts:

Q. Did you see the screen shot that ESPN had of your play sheet?

COACH KELLY: No, I was actually at the game, so I didn’t have a chance to see the TV copy yet.

Q. Has anybody talked to you about it?

COACH KELLY: Nobody’s talked to me about it yet.

Q. You could read everything that was on the card.

COACH KELLY: That’s why they’re the worldwide leader, right?

Q. Is it upsetting in a sense?

COACH KELLY: I don’t know. I don’t really watch the TV copy.

Q. Coach there is some intel –

COACH KELLY: Okay. There isn’t much to do about it. They already did it. You want me to complain about it?

Prior to Week 3’s win over the Redskins:

Q. Speaking of size, you told Washington reporters yesterday that the reason for releasing Washington WR DeSean Jackson —

COACH KELLY: We were going in a different direction at the wide receiver position, yeah.

Q. I’m just wondering why you brought WR Jeremy Maclin back. He’s smaller than 70 percent of the starting outside wide receivers in the league?

COACH KELLY: Jeremy Maclin’s bigger than DeSean is, isn’t he? So he’s bigger than one percent of the guy you’re talking about. I’m confused with the question.

Q. I’m saying he’s smaller than 70 percent of the wide receivers‑‑

COACH KELLY: You can’t get everybody to be 6‑5. Everybody ideally would like a [Detroit WR Calvin Johnson] Megatron‑type guy, but you can’t get all of those guys. You have to make a decision on the direction you’re going and that’s the decision we made.

Prior to the Week 9 win over the Texans:

Q. You do have really detailed information on so many things about the players: their sleep habits and all that. You don’t want detailed information on their injuries?

COACH KELLY: Because I can’t affect that. I can affect their sleep patterns. I can’t affect their injury, though. If a guy tore a muscle ‑‑ I’m not Dr. Miyagi. I can’t put my hands together, rub them together, touch his leg and make him better. Just tell me who can play, who can’t play. I’m really good at what we can control and what we can’t control, and we can’t control that. So let’s go play.

Prior to the Week 14 loss to the Seahawks:

Q. Have you or your agent been contactedby the University of Florida about the head coaching vacancy?

COACH KELLY: Nope.

Q. Just wanted to get it out of the way —

COACH KELLY: No.

Q. Would you talk to them if they called?

COACH KELLY: No.

Q. When that stuff comes up, how do you kind of take that?

COACH KELLY: I laugh. I laugh.

Q. Is it flattering?

COACH KELLY: No. I think it’s silly.

Q. Why is it silly that a school would be interested?

COACH KELLY: Because it’s a rumor. It’s not the truth. I think things that are false are silly. Football questions, anybody? Is that it? Good, let’s go to practice. [Laughter]

Prior to the Week 15 loss to the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football:

Q. You’re pretty good at night games.

COACH KELLY: Yeah, we hope that holds true because I think we’re playing at night, right? But it was a day [game] the last time we played them, right? Or twilight?

Q. Late afternoon.

COACH KELLY: Yeah, late afternoon. But with the roof closed, we may have to check with the roof closed because that may be a factor. So we’ll see if we can get that metric and take a look at that.