By now, everybody’s heard the news – Mayor Michael Nutter is making a “big announcement” tomorrow morning on the Art Museum steps with none other than Jay-Z. Yes, that Jay-Z.
While PR flaks on both sides have remained tight-lipped about what the announcement will exactly entail, rumor has it they will tout a “multi-day concert festival called Made in America taking place over Labor Day Weekend,” per Dan Gross of Philly.com’s Philly Gossip.
But we can’t resist kicking around some conspiracy theories when the opportunity presents itself. So here are some alternative possibilities we’re submitting for your consideration:
1. After years of rumors, Jay-Z will finally confirm that he is a card-carrying member of the mysterious Illuminati elite and that, with Nutter’s support (he is a Freemason, after all), Philadelphia will be the first city taken over by the New World Order.
2. Nutter will announce that, in light of the recent citywide financial deficits and budget squabbling, he’s fed up with politics and is reviving his “Mixmaster” Mike persona by signing to Jay’s Roc-a-fella Records. In honor, the two will, of course, perform “Rapper’s Delight.” And then the Roots will make an appearance.
3. Nutter will appoint Jay-Z the city’s first ever Deputy Mayor of Hip Hop. Hey, there seems to be a deputy mayor of everything else.
4. Jay-Z will tell the world he’s buying the entire city of Philadelphia. He’s probably rich
enough. Expect Rittenhouse Square to be renamed “Blue Ivy Carter Place”
and the Parkway to become “Beyonce Boulevard.” Has a nice ring to it, no?
5. Jay-Z will announce he is stepping in and saving Philadelphia’s ailing educational system by, again, buying the entire thing. All facilities will be renamed “Jay-Z’s [insert neighborhood name] School of Hard Knocks.”